Let’s take some candy from this barrel, an article about the dance industry in the Guardian.
Now obviously it’s easy sailing to make fun of broadsheet articles about dance music. I’d go even further and say it’s absolutely plain pickings!
But one paragraph still stood out here, and in any case I’m not going to make too much fun. Just enough for tonight with some kept in the fridge until tomorrow. So have you read the above link? Then here goes. Near the end it says:
DJdownload.com – a digital music website set up by DJs and clubbers – has become a global hub for electronic music buyers.
I’m confused! I’ve never used DJdownload.com, have you? Has anyone you know? Am I being harsh?
Now obviously all of you in the blogosphere adopt earlier than Angelina Jolie on a visit to an African township, making it easy to scoff, but still, I am fairly sure this site isn’t particularly successful. I’m going to get out of my chair now as if this was a room full of former alcoholics and drug users (a lot of my friends read this site) and boldly declare: “I have never used DJdownload.com.”
To me the piece suggests that the guy from Mixmag cited DJDownload as evidence that dance music is ONCE AGAIN not actually dying (seriously this poor fucking genre we like has had more false terminal illnesses than Wacko Jacko, only difference being you read about dance music’s latest alleged public fainting fit in the broadsheets!)
That’s what it looks like to me, a conspicuous plug, but we can’t necessarily accuse anyone of anything without hearing the tape. A quick spot of googling however seems to suggest all sorts of links between the popular drugs magazine and the considerably less popular download site.
It seems the Guardian’s been sold a ride, and indeed taken for a pup. (This begs the deep and searching question, who will guard the Guardian?!)
So moving along, I should have a WhatPeoplePlay roundup on the way tomorrow. You may not be familiar with WhatPeoplePlay.com but I’d casually describe it, off the top of my head, perhaps while leaning on a flat surface to underline how relaxed and informal I was being, as “a global hub for electronic music buyers”.
What if I was feeling even more casual? What if, perhaps, I was sitting in a kitchen on a Monday night, eating strawberries with the window open and a warm breeze blowing in? I might then conjure up an even more casual description than “global hub for electronic music buyers”.
I might somehow find a phrase that rolls off the tongue even more naturally than “global hub for electronic music buyers”. That is, if you can believe that a more naturally beautiful phrase exists!
In such an instance of great casualness I might, having taken off my shoes and socks, even call “an online record store” like DJdownload, “an online record store!” (It’s the “calling a spade a spade” of the 21st century, but thankfully not as useful as an excuse for fucking appalling behaviour.)
Anyway, it’s obvious from my lack of inspiration that I’m just not much of a wordsmith. I mean the last time I said the word hub I was probably changing a tyre!!! (Think about this sentence, there’s a very cryptic joke in it.)
I beg you though: please forgive me my lack of pzazz. Afterall, this blog, or “techno chat hut on a computer”, is all I’ve got!